whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
