Kiss
Puke
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
