The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
