I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
