I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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