Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
