I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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