Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
