I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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