i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
