sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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