i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
