I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
