I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
