my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
