My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
