I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
