Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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