Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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