Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
