glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
