I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
