No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
