if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
