you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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