carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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