May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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