I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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