Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
