I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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