i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
