This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
