i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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