Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
do herpes really smell.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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