final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
