I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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