I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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