he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
