k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
