If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
