I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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