I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
