Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
