I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
