wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
