OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
