thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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