don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
