When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
