the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
