OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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