I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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