Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
