i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
