gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
