let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
